Scared of Love
by RayneDarkMoon
Summary: Updated Ashleigh's just getting out of a very abusive relationship and is looking to restart her life. Her cousin Randy & best friend John decide to take her along for the summer with them on the road. Will Ashleigh be able to forget her past and move on?
1. The Journey to Self Discovery Begins

Alright Guys, I hope you enjoy this one! Ashleigh is written in many ways based on my experiences in Grade Nine. So the situations she's going through, I have a first hand experience with. Hopefully that will give it a more realistic feel to it. Please leave me feedback, I don't care if its good or bad, it will help me in the long run. Once again, I hope you enjoy this!

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Part One  
the Aftermath

Chapter One  
The Journey to Self Discovery Begins

_Dear Diary,_

_It's done… over with. I have finally been able to escape Bryan's abusive grasp, and it did not come easily. Eight months have come and gone and for the first time since October, I don't have to answer to everything someone says. I'm a free woman now. It's an odd feeling, I'm actually expecting to wake up and realize that Bryan breaking up with me was nothing but a dream and that I'm still stuck in that nightmare of a relationship. This is real I know it is. It has to be. Sigh You know, I sit here and as I write this I cannot help but wonder what do I do now that Bryan's gone? For so long I wasn't me, I don't even know who I am anymore. My closet it full of clothes from the gap… I would never shop at the Gap. I hate preppy clothes and yet, they fill my closet and drawers. My band shirts, bondage pants, spikes, chains and everything I once knew is packed away in a box somewhere. I have no idea where I even put them. I remember when I was known simply as the 'Riot Girl' who would not take shit from anyone and yet that's what I did. I became a slave to a man! I used to be the girl fronting debates on Woman's Rights and yet, I was the one who gave up my identity to a man. I looked in the mirror today for the first time and took a deep, long, hard look at what I have become. How can I go from only knowing one thing, one way of living, turn around, and find my independence again? How do I know that I wont become victim to another mans daunting ways? How do I find the girl I am meant to be? How do I know that the girl I was before I met Bryan is who I am supposed to be now? How do I find myself again after being so lost and alone for such a long time? Maybe I need to take a vacation, or even just spend some time this summer with friends, if I even have any left. I am eighteen years old now, the world is mine for the taking, and I just have no idea where to start._

Ashleigh looked up from her black journal, her crystal blue eyes shining brightly, and sighed. Her blonde hair was pulled back into an unusual ponytail. The bruises on her right eye and over the corner of her lip were still vivid, however, it was the last of the torture Bryan had forced upon her. For the past eight months, two weeks and three days to be exact, Ashleigh was not Bryan's girlfriend she was his possession, that, and his toy, free to do what he wanted when he wanted to do it. He had changed who she was. He controlled what she wore, what she said, who she talked to, what classes she could attend, what music she could listen too, everything. When he was mad, he would beat her, when he was horny, he would fuck her, even though she never wanted it. Ashleigh had always believed in not having sex before marriage, and Bryan could not accept that. Instead, he tore away the only innocence she had. Now, she was free from him.

She closed the diary in front of her and stood up. It was time she adjusted her life again and took it back completely. Ashleigh walked over to her closet and pulled it open. She looked at the clothes that were hanging up and shook her head in disgust. It looked like a rack at the GAP. She grabbed the preppy style clothes and threw them into the large garbage bin beside her closet. She walked over to her desk and looked around until she found exactly what she was looking for, her matches. She was about to light the match when she froze. For some reason, she could not pull herself to burn her clothes and burn the months of hell she endured. Ashleigh fell to her knees and did the same thing she did every single night since she began dating Bryan. Cry.

Ashleigh's eyes opened and she looked at her surroundings. She was in her room, lying on the floor. She had cried herself to sleep again. She sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. The sound of the phone ringing could be heard in the distance. Ashleigh's head shot up as her entire curvy frame tensed up, hoping it was Bryan. She slowly reached for the cordless white phone that sat on her desk and turned it around to look at the caller display. Her eyes widened in disbelief. She quickly pressed the talk button and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Ashleigh?" the voice asked from the other line, the voice belonged to a young man in his early to mid twenties.

"Randy? Is that you?" Ashleigh asked, her voice shaking.

"Yea, it's me." Randy replied. "I heard what happened. Your mother called me."

"Randy, I am so sorry."

"Don't be. It was never your choice," said Randy, trying to comfort his good friend. "It was that bastard Bryan's fault. He could not stand the fact that you had friends."

"I know that, Randy, but I could have said something about it."

"And probably get killed for it," Randy said with a bitter tone to his voice. "Don't worry about it anymore Ash. He's gone he can't touch you anymore. I'm the one that should be apologizing Ashleigh. I knew what was going on and I never even once came down there and kick his ass."

"And loose your contract?"

"You're my cousin god dammit Ashleigh!" shouted Randy, startling Ashleigh. "I should have been there better then I was."

"I would not have listened Randy. I was so blind and just stupid." Ashleigh replied softly. "Enough about it though, how's work going?"

"Good. They're writing me out for a few weeks so I can take a vacation." Randy laughed. "Lord knows I need one. I'm actually going to come down to Toronto for a few days and see how you're doing. Who knows, I may just kidnap you for the summer."

Ashleigh laughed. It had been a long time since she traveled with Randy while he was on the road with the WWE. "I think that would actually be a very good idea. I need to get away for a while."

"That you do." Randy said softly. He always worried about his younger cousin; ever since they were kids, he believed it was his duty to protect her. "So then it's settled. I'll talk to Aunt Mary and I'll let her know I'm stealing her daughter. Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, Christy wanted to know if you needed any help getting rid of the past as she put it."

"Christy? I do not believe it! You actually asked her out?" Ashleigh exclaimed

"Yea, is that a bad thing?"

"NO! It's about time Randall." Ashleigh laughed. "You've been eying her ever since the beginning of that Diva searches thing. I'm just glad you asked her and not that sluttish playboy bunny Carmella."

"No way man, she's been chasing poor John around ever since he switched to Raw!"

Ashleigh shook her head and for the first time in a long time smiled. "How is John anyways?"

"He's good. Hold on." Randy said suddenly.

There was a lot of rustling coming from Randy's side of the line before finally someone came back on. However, it wasn't Randy. "Hey Ashy!"

"John! How are you?" Ashleigh exclaimed jumping up onto her bed.

"I'm not too bad. How are you? You hold in, alright?"

"I will John." Ashleigh replied. She was not expecting John to be so calm about everything going on. Then again, John was always unpredictable. "Are you coming with Randy to Toronto?"

"Do you really think I'd pass up the chance to see my favorite little hockey star?"

"I'm not a hockey star anymore," said Ashleigh. Her voice was much softer then it was moments ago. "I quit remember? Bryan forced me too."

"That's why in September I'm making sure you register again!" exclaimed John. "I will not let you waste that talent! Before that jag off came around you were tearing up that ice, kicking ass and taking names! This summer, I will make sure you get on some ice even if I have to pay an arm and a leg to rent an arena and you will get to freshen up on your skills a bit. Understood?"

Ashleigh laughed and nodded. It was good to know that someone cared. "Understood."

_Two Days Later_

Ashleigh was up in her room, listening to some music when she heard a knock at the door. She glanced outside her bedroom window and checked to see if there were any vehicles. Standing outside her house was a black Escalade. Ashleigh eyes widened happily and she leaped off her bed and ran down the stairs as fast as her strong legs could carry her. She pulled the large French style front door opened and sure enough, Randy stood on the other side with a duffle bag over her shoulder. Ashleigh screeched and jumped into her cousins arms for a hug. Randy wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up.

"Hey kiddo," Randy said happily, as he placed Ashleigh back on the floor. "I was beginning to worry that you wouldn't answer the door."

"Sorry, I was upstairs listening to some old CD's," Ashleigh replied noticing as the red headed female entered the house behind Randy. Ashleigh gave her a friendly smile and waved. "You must be Christy. It's great to finally meet you."

"Hey! You must be Ashleigh. Randy just will not shut up about you! But don't worry, its mostly good stuff," Christy said sweetly giving Ashleigh a hug. She turned to Randy and put her arm on his shoulder. "Hun, why don't you go see what's taking John so long and I'll help Ashleigh real quick?"

"Alright," Randy replied, kissing Christy's cheek. He put his bag on the sofa and headed towards the door but came to a stop before leaving. "You two have fun."

Ashleigh nodded and then turned her attention to Christy. "Help me with what?"

"Come with me."

Christy grabbed a hold of Ashleigh's hand and led her up the stairs towards Ashleigh's bedroom. Once inside the room, Christy took a quick look around before she finally nodded. She walked over to the garbage can of clothes and quickly rummaged through them. After a few moments, she finally turned towards Ashleigh with a smile on her face.

"Alright, before you can even think about moving on, you must first destroy the painful memories. See these clothes? Gone. Anything else that somehow has to do with that prick Bryan?" Christy asked. Ashleigh nodded and pointed to a box beside her desk. Christy quickly ran over to the box and threw it into the garbage can. "There. Done. Gone. Finished. I will have the boy's dispose of this as soon as they get back. School is finished now and you are finally away from Bryan, this summer I want you to forget about the past few months and begin rebuilding your life. Now, it is not going to be easy but it has to be done. The war may have been won Ashleigh, but the battle is far from being over."

Ashleigh nodded. "Randy was telling me you've been in an abusive relationship before. So I guess you would know."

"ASHY!" John shouted from the living room. "Where are you? I want my hug!"

"We're upstairs guys!" Christy called back.

John and Randy both hurried up the stairs and headed towards Ashleigh's room. It had been almost a year since she had last seen John and she had missed him dearly. Throughout her relationship with Bryan, Ashleigh had prayed that John would come and save her, and even though he never did, but it did not matter anymore. He was there for her now, and that was all she needed. When John came to doorway into Ashleigh's room, his eyes became fixated on her. Ashleigh was dressed in a pair of black, form fighting jeans and the black Nightmare before Christmas tank top he had bought her a few years ago. She was thin, very thin. He remembered her as a curvy, healthy, well-built hockey player, but now, the curves were gone and her skin was unusually pale. It looked as if she had not eaten in weeks. Her arms were covered in bruises, so was her neck and parts of her face. His heart sank. Here in front of him was his best friend, or someone who used to be his best friend, and she had been beaten down to almost nothing. He walked over to her and ran his arms down hers, carefully caressing her bruises. John looked down at the eighteen-year-old girl before him and nearly broke down in tears. He grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. The two stood there, embraced in a hug for what seemed like an eternity. Christy signaled to Randy to grab the garbage can and together, the couple left, leaving the two friends alone. John finally pulled himself away from the hug and laid a gentle kiss on Ashleigh's cheek. Ashleigh looked up into John's blue eyes and gave him a very weak smile. She rested her head into his chest and closed her eyes.

"John?" Ashleigh asked, her voice barley a whisper.

"Yes Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh looked up and smiled at John, "Thank you."

John looked at her confused. "Thanks? What for?"

"Always being there for me, I pushed you and Randy away because I thought that the two of you were jealous that I was happy. I was such a rude bitch to you and here you are now, still my friend. At least I hope you still are."

John smiled and kissed the top of Ashleigh's head, "Of coarse I am Ashleigh. I always will be."

Ashleigh smiled and rested her head back on John's chest. She held onto him tighter and let her emotions escape. Her small frame began to shake as tears poured from her eyes. She couldn't support her own weight anymore and nearly collapsed to her knees. John hooked his arm under Ashleigh's knees and back, lifting her gently off the ground. John walked over to Ashleigh's bed and sat down on it, allowing Ashleigh to curl up in a semi-ball on his lap. Ashleigh held onto John for dear life. She spent too much time alone and lost in the world; she did not want to do it anymore. Deep down, Ashleigh knew the next few months was going to be anything but easy, but little did she know, they were going to be a lot more difficult then she could ever imagine.


	2. Secret's Revealed

Thank you so much for the reviews! Without them, I don't think I would have gotten this up so quickly! Now, I really hope you enjoy this chapter... I know I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again for the reviews!

Disc: I don't anything accept for Ashleigh :p

Small Warning: There is slight swearing in this chapter!

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**Chapter Two:  
Secret's Revealed**

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm leaving tonight to head down to wherever it is Randy John is taking me. They both have some time off so they decided to take me to some place they claim 'Will get my mind off of things' I sure as hell hope so! It has officially been two days since Bryan broke up with me and John Randy have been here since last night. I cried myself to sleep again last night, this time I wasn't alone. I was curled up in John's arms. I am very lucky to have him as a friend. I have to say though; I am rather surprised that he didn't turn his back on me after I pushed him and Randy away. If he did, I wouldn't be mad or upset. I would deserve it. I was nothing but rude, not to mention cold hearted to those two while I was dating Bryan, even when I did realize what kind of bullshit I had gotten myself into. I could have called either of them and told them I needed help and they would have come, but I didn't. I pushed them away. This summer is not going to be easy at all, I know that. I have a lot to accomplish before I return to school. Because of that stupid bastard I didn't graduate with my friends like I had planned, instead I'll be graduating next June. A year behind everyone else. Well, accept for my cousin Angel. She may not talk to me anymore but at least she'll be there. My first step in this… How can I possibly take a first step when I don't even know where to begin?_

Ashleigh closed the black journal and threw it into the bag beside her on the bed. Ashleigh sat there for a moment, looking out of the window and towards the moon. It was bright and full, its light beaming down on earth with radiance unlike anything she had ever seen before. She let out a deep, heavyhearted sigh and stood up. She looked around her bedroom for a moment, unsure of what to do next. The walls of her room were red with two white stripes surrounding the room in the middle of the wall, much like a hockey jersey. This was the only thing Bryan never touched. He never got the chance to. The posters of Ashleigh's hero, Steve Yzerman still covered the walls, as well as various Detroit Red Wings memorabilia. Ashleigh walked over to the large black multi-disc CD player that rested on her black and red dresser and pressed play, the sound of a synthesized keyboard began to flow from the speakers followed by a smooth bass riff. 'Crawling in my skin…' escaped the speakers loudly. Ashleigh closed her eyes, she loved Linkin Park. It had been such a long time since she had been able, or allowed to listen to them. She stood there in the middle of the room, carefully listening to the song as it played. For the first time since becoming a fan a few years ago, she could relate to the song and fully understand the meaning of it. Ashleigh shook her head and turned the stereo up. She walked over to her dresser and opened up the top drawer. Earlier that morning while she was asleep, Randy, Christy and John had found the box of old clothes Ashleigh had and put them back in their rightful places. Ashleigh grabbed a few t-shirts and began throwing them into her bag. She paused and looked at a pair of bondage pants she wore and looked at the size. 11. They were much too big for her now. The pants she wore now were a size nine. The smallest she could possibly be thanks to her wide hipbones. She sighed and threw them across the room. Little did she notice John was standing in her doorway, watching her. John walked into the room, unnoticed and picked the pants off the floor. He stood there briefly; holding them then shook his head. He had a feeling she was hiding something, however, he could not figure out exactly what it was. Ashleigh stood up, went to walk over to her desk, and walked right into John. Only feeling the feel of a bare arm belonging to a man Ashleigh let out a horrific scream. John knew what she was thinking, grabbed a hold on her shoulders, and pulled her close to him. Ashleigh, thinking it was Bryan, was going to scream for John when she smelt his distinctive axe deodorant and calmed down. John pulled the shaken girl away from his body and lifted her chin up so that she would look him in the eyes.

"It's just me Ash," John said calmly, "Don't freak out. Bryan couldn't get through that door if he tried."

Ashleigh glared at her friend for a moment and then with all her built up frustration, she slapped him in the face. "Don't you EVER scare me like that again! Are you trying to give me a fucking heart attack! My room was the ONE place Bryan could never come near me! Fuck, John!"

John looked at Ashleigh with sympathetic eyes. Tears had already begun to wilt in her eyes. "Ashleigh, why do I get the feeling that Bryan did more to you then you let on?"

Ashleigh pushed past John and grabbed the duffle bag off her bed. "I don't want to talk about it, alright? I'm really not in the mood for it right now."

"Ashleigh, why won't you tell me? I thought I was your friend."

Ashleigh was ready to snap. She turned around and with all of her strength, she pushed John. She stared at him with a cold, dead stare. It looked as if every inch of her soul had been sucked out of her body and replaced blackness. "You have NO idea what the fuck I have been through! Telling you anything would just be pointless! Why even bother? Huh, John? You wouldn't be able to help me. This is my fight! My problem! Not yours! I never once asked you or Randy for any help!"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe Randy I care about you! Did that thought ever even cross your mind once!" John shouted, startling Ashleigh, "No, I don't think so. Randy and I happen to care a deal about you, especially me! When Randy told me what that bastard was doing to you, I flipped. I wanted to come down here and kill him! But no, we don't fucking care!"

Before Ashleigh could say anything in response, John walked out of the room, leaving Ashleigh standing in the middle of the room dazed. Ashleigh sighed heavily and sat down on her bed. Once again, she pushed her best friend away from her. Ashleigh looked up and straight into the mirror in front of her. She pulled her hair out of the ponytail it was in, played with it for a moment before she stood up, and grabbed her wallet and car keys. She could not stand the sight of what she seen anymore. She needed a change. As she ran down the stairs towards the front door Randy grabbed her arm with a concerned look on his face.

"Where are you going? We're leaving in about two hours to head to the airport."

"Randy, look I have something I have to do." Ashleigh said sweetly, "Just meet me at the airport terminal. I'll be there on time, don't worry, alright?"

Randy hesitated for a moment but finally he realized her arm, "Alright Ashleigh, but please, be careful."

Ashleigh nodded and kissed her cousin on the cheek, "I will, promise."

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_At The Terminal_

Randy, John and Christy all stood on the other side of the security check eagerly awaiting Ashleigh's arrival. Christy was lying calmly on the floor reading a magazine with her head in Randy's lap while he watched his best friend pace back and fourth. Randy sighed and shook his head, laughing.

"Johnathan man, calm yourself down," Randy said leaning his head on the wall behind him. "I'm sure that Ashleigh's fine. The plane doesn't leave for another hour or so."

"I know that Randy! But what if that asshole Bryan got his hands on her?"

"I wouldn't worry about that." Christy said with a smile on her face looking towards the security check.

"John!" Ashleigh shouted from behind John, startling him. John turned around and picked the girl up in a bear hug. "Worried about me huh?"

"Yes!" John laughed. He went to give Ashleigh a kiss on the top of her head when he realized something odd, Ashleigh was wearing the hat she got while playing hockey, however, her hair was tucked into the hat. John raised his eyebrow and released the young girl. "Why is your hair under your hat? You usually have it up and sticking out of the hat. What did you do to it?"

Ashleigh sighed and took off the hat. John and Randy's eyes both widened at the sight before them. Ashleigh's hair fell over her shoulders, the new layers perfectly framing Ashleigh's oval face, the beautiful blonde hair Ashleigh had for such a long time was gone; it was replaced with cascades of a bluish-black.

"I love the color!" Christy shouted jumping up to give Ashleigh a hug. "See, a color change always helps. It's like getting a new identity."

"What the hell did you do!" Randy shouted, "You're hair… it's…"

"Black," John finished in a much softer tone of voice then the one his friend used. "I actually like it. It really makes the blue in your eyes stand out."

Ashleigh felt her face go red. She was blushing, "Thank you John. God Randy, calm down."

"I am going to get on the plane, have a shot of vodka. But until I do that, do not tell me to calm down." said Randy in a rather quiet tone, "Your father is going to kill you."

"He saw it already." Ashleigh laughed, "It was black before Randy. You just never got the chance to see it."

"It would have done my heart some good."

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_Baltimore, Maryland_

_Dear Diary_

_I'm in Baltimore now. We got here sometime this morning and I went straight to bed. Let me tell you, flying is not exactly my thing but I managed to pull through. I am sharing a hotel room with John since Christy and Randy want some alone time. LOL. Naw, I don't mind. John and I have an agreement. He won't blast hip-hop or rap and I won't blast my metal or punk. We both have MP3 players with headphones so that's how we get our fix. Actually, it was quite comical this morning. I come out of the bathroom after my shower and John is dancing around the hotel room in his boxers. He didn't know I was standing there but when he realized I was… lets just say I have NEVER seen John so embarrassed in my life, and he never gets embarrassed. I mean, this is a man who will walk around with a fro wig, gold shoes and a g-string! I don't know about him sometimes. Then again, I cannot complain. I would be lost without him. We may be so different but he's my best friend. Whenever I have needed him, he's been there. You know, I can still remember the first day we met. Randy introduced us at one of the Pay per Views, Wrestle Mania 19 to be exact. I called him an Eminem wannabe and he called me the spawn of Satan. It was only until Randy dragged us both out to Appleby's that we learned how to get along and what can I say? The rest is history. I'm actually very thankful for Randy and John. They are giving me exactly what I need this summer, a chance to get away from Toronto so that I can begin to heal and move on. Today is officially the start of it. Let us see how everything goes._

Ashleigh's thoughts were quickly interrupted when John walked into the hotel room with a box of pizza. Ashleigh's stomach turned at the sight of it. John walked over to his bed, put down the box, reached into the bag beside it, pulled out a Diet Sprite Zero, and handed it to Ashleigh.

"I seen you drinking it before we got onto the plane so I figured you'd like that," John said opening up the box of pizza. He put two slices of the deluxe pizza onto a plate and handed it to Ashleigh. "If I remember correctly, this is your favorite."

Ashleigh hesitated for a moment before she finally gave in and took the plate from John. "Thanks John. I'm surprised you even remembered."

John looked up at Ashleigh with a hurt look on his face. "Did you seriously think I would forget about that? Ashleigh, you're my best friend, I think I would know you better then that."

Ashleigh took a small bite out of the pizza and gave John a weak smile. "This is good pizza John."

"I know." John said as he reached into the bag in search of a coke, when he didn't find one he put his plate on his bed and grabbed his keys. "I forgot the coke in my rental. I'll be right back."

Ashleigh nodded and took another bite out of the pizza before John left the room. As soon as John was gone, Ashleigh reached for some tissue paper off the night table and spit the pizza out onto it. She threw the tissue, along with the remainder of the pizza into the garbage and made a dash to the washroom. When John returned to the room, he froze. Ashleigh was gone. He walked over to the two beds and noticed the pizza in the garbage. He then heard some coughing coming from the bathroom. He ran over to it and pressed his right ear against the wooden door. Coughing and vomiting sounds echoed through the door. John closed his eyes tightly. She was forcing herself to throw up. He slowly and quietly reached for the doorknob and turned it. Ashleigh made one big mistake; she forgot to lock the door. John pushed the door open and just as he suspected Ashleigh was throwing up. The sound of the door hitting the wall made Ashleigh jump up, she knew she had been caught. She grabbed a near by towel and wiped off her mouth and hand. She slowly turned around and seen John standing in the doorway, arms folded with a look that resembled pain and anger. She knew she was in some serious trouble now.

"I don't believe this Ashleigh," John said, his voice breaking. "You've been starving yourself. My best friend is a fucking anorexic."

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That's all for now! Hopefully I'll have another one up shortly! 


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